Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's prominent comedians spent their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday tune targeting the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins all he handles."

The focus was the new program which allows international individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" option for $5 million. An official portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note for you to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, requiring significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.